I know I haven’t been a consistent blogger lately. I’m letting that be okay for myself. I want to show up and write, for myself and for my readers. But, I’m learning how to live in my new normal, how to allow myself to do what feels right in the moment. It is SO NOT IN MY NATURE to listen to what I actually want, what feels right, and what my body and soul tell me to do.
In Anne Lamott’s work she writes about how she’s a recovering bulimic, and with her therapist’s support, she learns how to eat again. She writes about how if she wants to eat a box of cookies, she lets herself. If she wants to eat a pizza, she lets herself. If she doesn’t want to eat, she lets herself.
I have to learn how to let myself follow what I really want, what I really want to do, what I really want to eat, what I really want to accept, what I want to say NO to with an exclamation point.
There are many exclamation points. There are a lot of things that I just can’t abide any more. I just can’t. I’m a new person. I have the same soul, but I’m new. I’m not who I was in March 2018. I’m a completely different person.
This is NOT in ANY WAY easy for me. It is really hard to say no to people and things that I love in order to choose myself. It feels super selfish and egotistical.
But in doing this, I think I am actually saving my own life.
And there is no argument against that.