I intentionally took this week off from doing a lot of work on the house. I hung out with Piper and Amber and Naomi and Kaylee. I hung out with a new friend. I got my license plates for the truck. I have been sleeping. I unpacked some of the last boxes of household items in the kitchen.
But then the toxic interior monologue started to kick in. The dreams have started back in on me. I wake up stressed out from what my subconscious has been working out while I was sleeping. I wake up and I’m still upset from what I was starting to work out the night before.
I’m thankful today because I’m being brave enough to face these uncomfortable feelings, instead of shoving them down.
I had some things to talk about with my new friend, and even though I stewed about for a whole day, I didn’t shove it down and pretend I wasn’t having those feelings. My initial thoughts on what to do were ditch the friend, run away, hide, don’t say anything…yada yada. Those are all toxic choices. So, I told the friend. We talked and then it was fine. See, little things aren’t really little things if your intuition tells you they bother you. And if you don’t say anything about the small things, they become medium things, and then large things, and then jumbo things. Pretty soon you’re yelling at your significant other about how they wipe down the counters, when the counters are really not the problem at all. So, I’m calling BS on the “don’t sweat the small stuff” mindset. It’s all small stuff. Yep, it is. But we have to keep it small stuff by talking about things that bother us instead of letting those little annoyances/frustrations/challenges/communication snafus make a volcano that is going to erupt eventually when you’re parking the car in traffic on the way to meet family and friends for breakfast. Yeah, my examples are all #truestories from my past relationships.
Complicated feelings have been coming up daily from my past relationships. For a while I was just plain ignoring it, because I thought I had to do that in order to move on. That’s also a total lie-that to move on means to ignore all sensations and thoughts of the past. So now, I just talk to the memories and thoughts of past love relationships. I tell the person out loud while I’m having these feelings that I’m ok. I tell them why this is better for me, for us as individuals. I tell them why I loved them and send them nothing but love and kindness. I tell them that I know that it hurts, but that I have faith that they will be okay and I will be okay, too.
I met a man at the Habitat Restore that remarked on my email address. It’s a play on my studio art business name, Interior Alchemy Studios. He saw the alchemy and asked me what I taught. It was a stunning recognition of two intuitive souls. He was so kind to me and we talked a lot about healing, reiki, cleansing. He was putting in my purchases into the system, but more than that, I made a friend that helped me a lot. I’ve reached out since and we’ve talked about things I can try to heal myself. I’ve had so many guides in my last few years that have helped me to get here, and I’m so so grateful. It was wonderful to meet this person that didn’t know me at all, but could sense my spirit, and helped me with tools to heal. What a blessing. I have so much more work to do, but my eyes are open.
Speaking of work to do, have you been seeing the ads on social media for BetterHelp.org? This one is just plain brilliant, and yes, this is how my thoughts can take over. Whomever made this ad suffers from anxiety and depression. I am not a client, but I already feel better seeing just their ad.