What a wonderful, wonderful weekend.
I detached from the outside world for the most part and drank coffee, read my books, sewed, talked to people I love, and spent time with people I love.
I’m still worrying deeply about Oregon, but my people are okay as of right now.
My love Jess turned 50 today. He’s 6 days younger than me, and I love that he’s a Virgo. But mostly I love that he was born.
We had most of the weekend together, and I made him food and we watched Avengers movies and he did a few mountain bike rides and I sewed masks and puttered around my little house.
Lucy the house is named after Lucile the human, and she would have been 110 on Thursday. Also a Virgo, and also my only Montana native ancestor. I love this fact in so many ways.
So Jess and I had a lot of time together this weekend, lots of just relaxing and talking. I was yammering on about this or that, and kept apologizing for myself, which is a habit I need to break. I’ve always felt a little shamed for how I’m always thinking or doing, and it’s not been an easy road for me in that regard. Jess told me this weekend that he likes how I think. He said it this way:
“It’s ok! You have a mind that works. “
I felt so accepted and so completely seen I started to cry. I’ve never had someone get me like that. It really shocked me.
I keep looking for the escape hatch…or the bomb to fall…or things to break…because I am used to that.
But none of that is necessary. And so I’m just going to love him, and accept the love back, for better or worse.
I got to meet his ex-wife and ex-dog when we picked up the boys. It wasn’t weird or awkward at all and made me feel grateful. We’ve known each other 7 months now, it was time, and it felt natural. She thanked me for loving and being so cool to her kids. I didn’t know what to say other than, “it’s no problem,” and ‘they’re awesome.”
We celebrated his 50th birthday today with presents first! (I LIKE this plan!) Then, he and his boys and his dad did a 3Gen mountain bike ride and I was the shuttle picking them up at the end of the ride.
I was made for this shuttle role. Naturally…I kinda embarrassed myself. I was videotaping who I thought was them at the end…and it turned out to be some 20-something dudes. I’m all “WHOO HOO!” They said “uh…how’s it goin?” Oh lord. It was not the boys, like I thought it was. Imagine my red face.
Then I put on this hat that was in Jess’s truck, thinking it was his to block out the sun. Turns out it was his dad’s, and full of sweat stains and they all noticed I was wearing his hat when they got back. Good thing there’s no lack of humor in this family.
We went back to his parent’s house in Red Lodge and had a socially distanced lunch, and wore our masks when we were indoors or couldn’t be distanced. We had cake and hilarity and fun, and drove back to Billings yawning and ready for naps.
It was a weekend of Grace. My cup of grace runneth over. I am grateful beyond words to have found this love, and he happens to have a beautiful loving family surrounding him.
I pinch myself and remind myself I deserve happiness. I deserve happiness. I deserve happiness.
( I have to say it a lot. )
I deserve it all.
So do you.