You just don’t know until you know

Well, I voted. I can control who’s name I bubble.

But I can’t control anything that isn’t happening at this exact moment.

I am sitting in a pile of pillows on my couch, (my hip hurts) I have my feet up, the cat is sitting next to me. I can hear the low breath of the gas furnace and distant traffic. I can control what audio channels I listen to in my ambient noise space.

BUT. I cannot control what my body is deciding to do with cancer cells.

I can eat better, sleep better, work better, be better…and it won’t make any difference.


Today I am Dory. I am just swimming. I am taking a break from cancer talk or research for the next 15 hours. In 15 hours I go to my first surgery consultation.

I am not going to think about it. I have thought and researched ENOUGH.

This is not something you cram for. In fact, that’s not a great idea.

I’m just swimming.


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