One of the things that I do as a writer is title my work before I write it, about 99% of the time. It gives me a theme, or idea, or a jumping off spot. Sometimes I change it, but not usually.
A few years ago I wrote another post about sacrament. You can visit it here. I think the best thing about the post is the quote from Anne Lamott, the first person that helped me see what faith could look like in my…pardon the trope…”granola crunchy way.” All I could think about today was the idea of Sacrament. I remembered and I felt it. All Day. There was so much grace today.
Yesterday was emotionally intense. The election results were intense. I got some intense health news from a loved one, and my heart started deeply aching. I reached out to women I knew could help lift me. I.was.keyed.up.
Today was a day of release for me. Jess spent the night, and when your lover rolls over and puts their arm around you and spoons you while they are still asleep in the middle of the night…is there anything better? I don’t think so. I love this so much, it makes me feel whole.
I woke up with Jess next to me, and then he left to go pick up his boys. He kissed me goodbye and I felt his perfect beard on my lips. When he left I turned on the coffee. I attended my church service via Facebook Live with a cup of coffee in my hand and a cat on my lap. Saying the Lord’s Prayer with my pastor is basically my favorite thing about church, and today I got to do that.
I took a shower and danced to this song (enjoy this hilarious 70’s video) on repeat. I realized I was actually happy for the first time in a long time. I mean, every day is a gift, and I have gratitude. But today I was HAPPY.
I bought myself warm socks at Target (like Dumbledore, this is the present I will always want, 100% of the time, no matter what season) and sat with my heating pad on the couch and read.
All these ordinary moments of my day, and all the ordinary moments of your day, are proof of grace. That grace is all the evidence you need that we’re okay. We noticed today. We noticed the sun. We noticed a smile. We noticed love.
When I was at Target, I was looking for a new beanie for the cold weather. While looking and touching, I heard a little human walking the aisles saying, “Mama! Mama! MAMA!!!!!!!” Her tone was getting a little clipped and desperate. I was touching gloves and hats and said, without looking, “just keep yelling honey, you’ll find her.”
That didn’t happen. I saw the little human come back around the aisles near me again, clearly starting to panic. I said “Do you need help to find your grown up?” She.was.so.brave. She said “Yes. I do.” I knew she couldn’t be more than three years old. I said, “ok, we will walk over to the store grown ups. That’s what you do if you get lost in a store, go tell the store grown ups.” I knew I could walk around with her and find mom, but I DID NOT want her to think random grown ups in a store are safe. (Please do what I did if this happens to you. Thank you.)
So, I walked her to the front, and the first employee we saw was…bless their heart…a little creepy looking. She was brave, but when they walked her through the doors to go to the customer service desk, she started to run out to the parking lot. I was watching. I yelled “NO HONEY! You’re going to go to the other store grown ups that will call your mom on the store speaker!” She came back in and went in the customer service area with the employee, but now she was super panicking. She said “I want to wait for my mom in the car.” (oh my heart) The manager came over. This is a code yellow, apparently. I stayed nearby, because they were all worried, and not really helping the little one stay calm. I went into teacher mode as is my natural triage.
She started panic crying and almost hyperventilating when the manager picked her up and put her on the counter. I said “it’s okay, they are calling your mom right now.” The store manager asked her what her mom’s name was, but they weren’t well versed in kid language. I am, and translated mom’s name. I motioned for her to come stand on the floor (my kind and direct way to get the manager to get her off the damn counter…) and I held her hand. I said, “you have really cute shoes on today,” (Mary Janes with cats on the toes) and asked her questions to get her to calm down.
“What were you for Halloween?” She was an angel. “Did you wear a cute halo crown?” Yes. “How old are you? Three? Four?” Three. She was wiping her eyes and trying so hard to keep calm. I reminded her that her mom was in the store, and that OF COURSE mom was at this very moment looking for her. I promised she was safe and mom was on her way. Her mom heard on the speaker, and one of the calmer employees said “See, she’s right there!” Our little friend ran to mom and stuck on to her like a starfish. I chatted with mom a moment, mom relieved and embarrassed, and I said her little was so brave, and did the right thing by asking for help. I told mom I was a teacher at Bench School (my school is the closest elementary school to that Target) and that I just wanted her to be safely back with mom, so I stayed close. Happy ending.
This is grace. This is a Holy moment. A moment of love, of loss and reunion. Being with your person again.
Love. Love. Love.
I spent the evening with Jess and the boys at their place, watched a movie and ate together.
I could cry myself dry out of gratitude for having normal, aware, present days like this.
Shall we all live moments like this.
Grace Upon Grace Upon Grace.
The Sacrament of Presence is yours for the taking.
PS: This is for you. <3