Lucy Grown Up

Lucy is going to be appraised tomorrow.

I need her to hit a particular $value target in appraisal magic so that my refinance works. I am only refinancing so I can pay off the travel trailer and then SELL IT.

I need this win. Badly. Letting go of the trailer is really important to me on many levels. I just…don’t want it. Plus it reminds me of a life I was a part of that wasn’t the life I really wanted. I posed. I played house-literally. But I didn’t really want it. When I chose to leave the life I was in things exploded so badly that I had lasting physical and mental traumas from extricating myself.

Yes. I have done this appraisal and refinance thing before. Twice. It was always intense and stressful and I was always expected to work until I fell apart. I was called lazy, even though in one of my house appraisal experiences, I was working full time teaching and remodeling two houses at the same time.

I’m being as delicate with myself as I can. I am very triggered right now by my past.

So…trying to breathe. Pausing. Drinking water.

The truth: my house is NOT perfect. No house is. There are little DIY issues all throughout it. Most houses have that.

But I believe that my house is worth enough to succeed in this particular project, and I am advocating for this change for myself, my future, and for my dear Lucy, the biggest trauma release project I will probably ever do.

Lucy deserves to be worth millions of dollars. Not for anyone’s benefit monetarily. But truly doing this house was the creative expression I needed to do a huge amount of emotional work. Lucy truly saved my life.

I had the electrical completely redone with new service from the power line. I have a new panel outside and in my basement. I have completely new electrical outlets and lights in the kitchen and bathroom. All of the plumbing in the kitchen and bathroom is new, the tile is new. The house has been painted, stripped, updated everywhere. It has new heating and new appliances. It has a new 370 lineal foot cedar fence. This all cost money, yes.

But truly, the value of this house, to me, is beyond category. One cannot value a human life.

We just are. We deserve a healthy and safe life because we are human.

I deserve that.

At school we have a new student that moved from the school across the street from my house. I introduced myself and told him that my house is the “rainbow house” across the street from his old school. He knew what I meant immediately.

Here goes Lucy, brightening other people’s day, because she can. Because she is that sturdy and whole, she can love everyone else from her overflow.


PS: Please pray/send good vibes/light a candle/do your magic that Lucy appraises high and this works. Thank you.

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