I’ve been back to work for exactly four days this week, after returning from Oakland at 10 pm on Monday.

And my incisions decided to go ahead and split open.

It’s called dehiscence. The splitting or bursting open of a wound. I’m 8 weeks out. I thought I was basically done. I was stoked to be healed and heading into new territory.

And it turns out, my body had other ideas.

Last night I fell asleep at 9 pm looking at hiking pictures. I fully intended to go up to East Rosebud and hike today, and if that didn’t happen, to at least go to Phipps and have some extra leg work to do.

Needless to say, none of this happened.

I did some coursework for my YTT and my Reclamation course and then got in the shower. It was then that I realized I had a new open wound. I’m post breast surgery-I keep my surgery bras on around the clock.

It freaked me out. I cried a lot. I was panicking. I went to work to work on my classroom and my co-workers told me to go to the ER. So I went. More people got to see my tits. No waiting to be admitted, thankfully.

The nurse and then the doctor were not worried. They said it could wait to check in with my surgeon on Monday. Which just so happens to be the first day of school. I’ll have to figure out how to get there after I get out of school.

I’m mildly anxious that being back at work for 4 days was so much activity that my body revolted. I can’t scoot around my room and teach. THERE ARE 30 kids (at the time of writing this) slated to be in my room on Monday. There’s literally no room for a teacher rolling around in her teacher chair. I’m gonna have to just deal.

Yet, I can do this. I am operating on we get what we put out into the universe, energy wise. I’m nicknaming myself the GODDESS OF CHILL this year, and after I post this I’m going to go play guitar badly and sing loudly with my amp shaking the walls. And then I’m going to do some tarot cards, drink water, and collage my Goddess of Chill.

I had a meltdown today. It was hard to see my body going backwards. I cried a lot.

I refuse to go down, and I’m not staying in the gloom.

I’m bringing my ice maker, my yoga mat, and my rainstick to class. If all we do Monday is learn names and keep our masks on (last minute mandate updated, thank goodness), then we succeed.

Namaste.