I am in love. It is a good thing and also unbearably hard right now. The person just moved across the country this week for work. We are going to make effort. The realist in me feels sorrowfully adrift because there are no maps for this, none that count. Everyone’s story is different.
Six years ago I started seeing an astrologer annually. She told me that I had literally just within that week entered a phase that would last until 2023, a phase called the Balsamic Phase. It’s too complicated to really explain because I’m not an astrologer. But what it means is a time of transition, transformation, change. A time to take what serves you on the next leg of your journey and leave what no longer does. It’s a life redesign. It can be painful, dissociative. I can testify that it does what it is meant to do. I have wholeheartedly consumed everything I have been guided to do, every last challenging morsel.
I feel like the Universe, Gods and Goddesses have a plan for me that includes learning through pain. I am worn out.
There are things-every relationship has things. And there are such deep connections it shocks me to my core and brings joy.
Truly, I just love. And baby I’m scared AF to lose this person to the 1,800 miles of distance, time zones, and cuter, hotter, younger people in their new town. Did I mention they are a college professor? It’s a valid albeit unlikely concern.
I’m being cryptic, I know. I can’t just put their name out there right now. But I need you. I need people rooting for me. I need reminders (more often than ever) that I am badass and can do even more hard things, no matter how tired I am from the last 6+ years of hard things.
I want to do life with this person. It may mean I move but is too soon to tell. For now, I need hugs and your loving thoughts to get me through.
I have become a student of the liminal and am more used to the in between than I ever expected to be. I’m waiting for life to rain ceaseless joy on my head.