Feel it to the Quick

Valentine’s Day is ridiculous, we know this. The pressure, expectations, and commercialization are rough.

And yet.

We still feel the associated feelings that come with this day, no matter how far removed we are from being in the archetype of a Valentine’s Day advertisement. Today I realized that I haven’t been in a solid relationship on this day in, well, about a decade. I’ve been associated with someone or partnered in there, but it wasn’t in a relationship that I felt like I could be my whole self or ask for what I needed. The trap of a “love” holiday is that it makes us think it needs to look a certain way, when really, there are so many many ways to celebrate love today.

Your partner may make you coffee every morning but leave their shit all over the house. You still appreciate the coffee while picking up their strewn balled up socks.

Your dog may have come to comfort you the last 1,236 times you have cried, setting their head on your lap and in their deep wisdom, stayed nearby while you sobbed.

Your partner might have been the one that got up with the infant this morning and fed them so you could sleep 10 precious minutes longer.

Your co-worker at school might have subbed for your class while you were out sick, or stepped into your room so you could pee.

A friend might have come over with a cookie and a hug when you said you had been crying all day.

Saint Valentine is famous for love. I don’t think he was interested in love being one thing, besides his devout faith in God. He is also the patron saint of bees and fainting. So, he had a busy social calendar.

Love is more than romantic love. Love is a gift that we can give and receive in a multitude of permutations.

For my Valentine’s Day I gave my students a free piece candy from my prize box. I went and bought dog food and cat litter for my pets. I let myself cry when I was sad and laugh when I was happy today, little bursts here and there that remind me I am alive.

I came home and did this tarot reading for myself, a check-in on what’s happening with my energy. I have felt like lead lately and it’s been a bit…rough.

What this reading says, to me, is that my foundation is incredibly stable. That I have all the resources inside me already to walk through my life with courage and strength. And something is coming. Is the something Love? I’ve stopped worrying about it. The energy in striving is not going to bring what I wish for closer. The energy in openness will.

Love is everything. And, Love is not ONE thing.


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